Kissing Sid James

 TNT

As the old saying goes, you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs before, hopefully, you find your prince. But croupier Crystal, squeezed into her skin-tight leopard print outfit and with luggage to match, must be really desperate to persist in trying to transform stationery salesman Eddie into the man of her dreams.

Dating from 1992, Robert Farquhar’s short two-hander boasts one of the most toe-curlingly embarrassing sex scenes I’ve ever seen as still living with mum Eddie gets to work during their ill-fated dirty weekend away.

Despite all Crystal’s attempts at fantasising, it proves to be a major disappointment on all levels - the cheap seaside hotel room boasts faded floral wallpaper, Eddie won’t stop talking (reciting the names of footballers is an integral part of his severely limited sexual repertoire) and it’s only over post-coital karaoke and far too much to drink that they temporarily connect.

Farquhar draws his characters rather too broadly but, without sacrificing the comedy, Charlotte McKinney and Alan Drake invest them with a degree of poignancy to reveal two lonely, mismatched people in search of love, romance and happily ever after.

Jermyn Street Theatre, SW1Y 6ST
Tube | Piccadilly Circus
Until 29th September £18
jermynstreettheatre.co.uk